Gender queer, trans non-binary, gender-fluid who are?Meeting with non-binary

Wednesday, November 17, Le Robert added the pronoun "iel" to its online edition and caused controversy. Iel is the pronoun used to designate themselves by people who consider themselves to be non-binary, that is to say who do not identify themselves as either strictly male or strictly female, but between the two, a mixture of the two, or neither. This concerns 22% of 18-30 year olds, according to an online Ifop survey carried out in November 2020 among 1,006 people.

It is easy to come across these non-binaries at university in Paris, Champs-sur-Marne or Caen. Camille, Mahé, Lisbeth, Karol and Léana… They all consider themselves non-binary, and each in their own way. "I would say that in fact, I am a human being. There are days when I feel like a man, days when I feel like a woman, days when I feel like neither," defines Camille. "I consider myself as gender queer, it's part of the non-binarity", explains Mahé. Lisbeth considers herself to be "non-binary trans. I don't recognize myself in the social categories of man and woman. These are categories that lock us in," she says. "I am gender fluid. My gender fluidizes between the feminine gender and the neutral gender", specifies Karol. Léana says she considers herself "rather agender."

A question that arises from childhood

Agender, gender neutral, neither man nor woman, half-man half-woman… There are many nuances with a common point among those who we met: this non-binarity was felt from childhood. "Since primary school, I had already asked myself a lot of questions about this. I was made a lot of comments about the way I dressed, I was already confused a lot with a boy when I was girl, explains Mahé, 20. At the beginning, it didn't work for me. It was from the moment when, when I wanted to do things, I was hindered because I was born a girl, playing football with the boys, doing ping-pong tournaments when I was in college… It was from there that I said to myself: no, there is a problem there.

A feeling of discrimination, of not “fitting into boxes”… Mahé discovered the word non-binary in high school through a friend, then social networks. She finds herself in it and also sees a political significance in it. “Society has imposed extremely restricted and precise codes that would put women on the side of the weak and men on the side of the strong. Except that this is not at all how I perceive life, notes Mahé. All these codes there, if we abolished them all one by one, there would no longer be this problem of 'you are a woman', 'you are a man', 'you are non-binary'. even need to say that we are non-binary."

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Sexuality and gender, two disconnected issues

Non-binarity is expressed in different ways. Mahé, for example, carefully maintains an androgynous look, short hair and a compressive bra to attenuate her chest, but also make-up and jewelry. Some have changed their first name, opting for names that are less gendered in their eyes, such as Lisbeth, Karol and Mahé, who also pays attention to the rest of the language. "When I introduce myself to someone, explains Mahé, this person asks me for my pronouns. I say it's going to be he, she and they. to say: 'I am a person who', so we agree the adjective with 'person', or 'someone'. that word and not in relation to us".

Many of these non-binary young people disconnect this question of their gender and that of their sexual orientation. Most of those we interviewed said they were bi or pansexual. This is the case of Lisbeth, 25: "I am not attracted by a person's genitalia or physical appearance but by the person themselves. I could be led to have a romantic or sexual relationship. with these people if the feeling passes. If Lisbeth wonders about the advisability of hormone treatment, this is not really a subject for the others.

In those around them, their non-binarity is rather perceived with benevolence, say these young people, especially by their friends. In college, many teachers also accept their usual first name. But it is often more complicated with the parents, explain Camille and Léana. "To make them accept my sexual orientation, I spent five years on the basis of rejection, 'it's against nature', etc. says Camille. So, non-binarity is really not possible. For them it's new, it's a fad of young people." "My family is very open about transidentity, shares Léana. But I have the impression that non-binarity is a subject above, and I'm not sure they would understand".

Fear of misunderstanding, of a generational gap on this issue... For Karol, in a bachelor's degree, state recognition would make things easier. "It would give me more self-confidence, it would allow me to say that my existence, my identity is legitimate in the eyes of society and the law. It would also help people to make their families understand more easily. For example, a mention 'neutral' on the identity card, that would be great." This neutral genre is already recognized in Australia, India and New York. In Belgium, the government has just announced that it wants to remove the words 'masculine' or 'feminine' on identity cards, as is already the case in Germany.