Baby arrives: 10 postpartum surprises you ignore (maybe)

When I was pregnant, I did not consider for a moment that the prenatal lessons were something optional.You see, my type A personality and the fact that I prefer the truth in all its ugliness to a pious lie implied that I was of an extraordinary diligence to these courses, notebook and pen in hand.Add to that the fact that I was pregnant with twins and you will understand that I was on advanced alert.

My husband and I learned a phenomenal quantity of things throughout the months that these prenatal courses lasted, but despite this, there are a multitude of things that occur before even leaving the hospitalhad not learned in these courses and which no one even mentioned the existence.I have deduced that people have to say that once the baby has arrived, you have already crossed the worst, so why talk about the little charges that will offer us, here and there, afterwards...

Magnanimous, I wanted to share with you some of the surprising experiences that I lived after my delivery and which I would have liked to be informed before they occur:

Oh!Don't get me wrong: I was prepared.When I was installed in the operating room, I had hours and hours of mental preparation about my Cesarean.However, I was not prepared to manage the massive panic crisis that assailed me when asked to sit down to administer the epidural.I could see the OP room as a whole with all the medical equipment and the nurses who were busy around me.It was at this moment that I realized that the train was already underway: I was no longer in control and these babies were going to be born soon.I had to become very, very pale, because my husband stopped asking me if I was fine.I don't really know how, but I resisted the impetuous desire to ask all the medical staff if we could not wait another hour, story that I can think a little about what was coming.I really wanted to ask them that.Fortunately for everyone, I just said ""I'm fine"", and I swallowed my fear.

Remember one thing: it is better to hide the madness that seizes you rather than sharing it with people who could make a report with child protection services.

I admit, I had not paid a lot of attention to the fact that a cesarean section includes its share of pain.After all, it is a procedure which is far from the pain caused by a natural delivery without anesthesia.On the contrary, I was going to be anesthetized before, during and after this delivery.Everything would be fine, right?

By all the saints, I could not believe the agony that I felt after my cesarean.Agony.I barely survived my first postoperative shower.When the water touched my belly, I am almost dead.And you want to know what was most difficult?Keep straight, because of the tension that it imposes on surgical staples.I was a hunchbacked disaster in the Vicodin for weeks after my delivery.Let's say I have known better days.

I know that this is not the case for all women;I have friends who, almost painless, cheerfully was worth their business the day after a cesarean.Perhaps I am a monumental lopette, or else it is all these women who are heroines.Probably a bit of both.

I had no idea that once babies have come out, in the company of this good old placenta, and that we had stuck to you, there would still be as many things that would need to be evacuated.Here you are, bedridden and tasting your dessert in the company of your mother-in-law, when, suddenly, you feel something subtly slip out of your vagina.It's extremely disconcerting.

Oh!And that's not to mention bleeding!Of course, I had bleeding for days and weeks after my delivery.Which leads me to tell you about the favorite underwear of any new mother:

Ah!This famous culotte.Isn't it beautiful?See it as a more way to train emotional ties with your newborn while you are bringing both, or three, a full layer.

Here is a diaper who boots serious c ***.

Did you know that a nurse will visit you from time to time to offer you a massage?Yes, yes, I assure you!And did you know that it will also massage your belly, where, not so long ago, you carried between 2 and 6 kilos of babies, where, precisely, someone recently opened you with a scalpel thenClosed using staples?

It's painful, really painful.They massage you so that your uterus contracts with the aim of preventing you from emptying all of your blood, which, in itself, is a great idea.However, the word ""massage"" is clearly not the most suitable for describing the feeling that this gives you.It's a bit as if we called the contractions of ""cuddles of Bedon"".You will tell me that the fact that we call this massage a uterine massage should have put the chip in my ear that it would not be exactly a pleasant experience.After all, we do not offer uterine massages in the spas.

""HHHMMM, I don't know what to choose between a facial treatment, a pedicure or a uterine massage...""

Another thing had escaped me: after having closed you with the help of these staples comes a time when we have to remove them.Ouh!I hadn't thought about it for a moment, until the nurse comes in my room. J'étais déjà passablement amochée par tous ces ""massages"", ce qui n'a pas aidé ma cause lorsque j'ai vu que ladite infirmière allait retirer les agrafes de mon corps à l'aide de ce qui avait tout l'air d'une petite paire de pinces.She tried to convince me that it would not be painful, but I did not believe her.Before she started the procedure, I gripped my husband's hand and, with the other, I veiled my eyes.And you know what?It didn't hurt at all. This is à ce moment que l'infirmière a dit: ""Bien, passons à la seconde rangée, maintenant"". Je me suis tendue comme un arc et j'ai crié ""QUOI?!"", ce à quoi elle a rétorqué ""Je blaguais"".I told her that she was the worst nurse in the world and we became the best friends in the world during the rest of my stay.

I was given magnesium after childbirth, because I had developed preeclampsia towards the end of my pregnancy.I had not inquired about magnesium, convinced that I would be full of pain relievers anyway at all times.Eh!Well, know that magnesium causes sleep, and I mean by that that you will fall asleep in the middle of your plate while you eat.

I don't even exaggerate.

This is how I spent the first days so precious of the life of my babies: by fighting sleep long enough to succeed in swallowing a sip of water.

My two children had to make a stay at neonatal intensive care, so I had to get milk in my room. Je m'attendais à ce que ce ne soit pas un grand succès, initialement, mais j'ai compris qu'allaiter serait beaucoup plus difficile que je ne l'anticipais lorsque, après trois jours, la femme de ménage est entrée dans ma chambre et a chuchoté ""Si peu...""Seeing the empty pump on my bedside table.

Breastfeeding and I did not have a very good relationship.The difficulties continued when we got home.I then visited the breastfeeding consultant from my clinic. Elle a à peine jeté un regard sur moi et a dit: ""Eh! bien, ce sera un peu plus difficile pour vous: vous avez des mamelons plats"".

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Sorry?What are you causing?I have never heard of flat nipples before.I even did not know that there were names for the different types of nipples.I had no more idea that my nipples were extraordinary. J'ai failli lui répondre ""Pourtant, personne ne s'en est plaint, à ce jour"", mais je me suis souvenu qu'il valait toujours mieux cacher cette folie. Je lui ai donc plutôt demandé: ""Alors, que dois-je faire?"".She replied that I could get there, but that it would take me a lot of time and effort.Not exactly the best answer to give to the new 3 -week twins mother who has not slept more than two consecutive hours since birth. ""OK, alors j'abandonne.What brand of artificial milk do you recommend? ""

Shift.

I had to fart before I could leave the hospital.

And they didn't freeze, I can assure you.For a person like me who anxious at the slightest idea of disturbing others, it was a requirement that seemed insurmountable.The situation was all the more difficult for me since I knew that my husband and my family, as well as the nursing staff, expected only one thing: that I let go.

C'était une position pour le moins inconfortable, de surcroît à cause du fait que, normalement, lorsque les gens vous demandent si vous avez pété, vous répondez NON, mais à l'hôpital, si vous répondez ""non"" lorsqu'on vous demande si vous avez pété, ils DÉTESTENT ça.I was impatiently waited for the slightest sign of anal exhalation and I jumped at the opportunity: Home direction in order to lack sorely sleep!

This is undoubtedly the most important lesson that I learned during my delivery and that no one had told me before.

Avant d'avoir des enfants, il existait dans ma vie une chose nommée ""honte"".It is this thing that makes you care, for example, who sees your little lips.I lost this shame at a very special moment shared with an infirmière assistant named Lourdes.

It was Lourdes who accompanied me during my first visit to the bathroom after my delivery.She helped me sit on the toilet and, while all kinds of strange things came out of my body, she crouching in front of me and rinsed my foufoune with a bottle of perineal cleaning.Eh!Yes, I peed with a woman less than 30 cm from my vagina while she rinsed me with all traces of postbed materials.

J'ai vécu un profond changement, à ce moment, et ce n'était que le premier d'une longue série d'événements qui, auparavant, m'auraient fait crier de honte, mais qui, désormais, me soutirent pour toute réaction une phrase du genre ""Pardon? Oh! oui, c'est bien mon mamelon. Est-ce que je peux payer pour mon café, maintenant?"" Je pense notamment à cette fois où mon bébé a vomi sur mon dos à 8 h du matin et je n'ai pas changé mon chemisier avant 17 h 30, lorsque Mike est rentré à la maison.What?The Queen of England comes to visit us.Great good;I hope she likes the smell of regurgitated artificial milk, because it is out of the question that I move from here unless the house is on fire, and again...I am sure that I would be perfectly capable of leaving the house sitting on my big behind with the two babies in my arms.

All the mothers I know have lost their shame in the hospital, and that's good, because to be a mother, you have to have as little as possible.You have to worry about much more important things than the nature of what is stuck in your hair.Is it a piece of dry umbilical cord?Who knows.One thing is certain: whether you know it immediately or later will change absolutely nothing.Ergo: Go hop!at the park!

PS.:thes cacas post-partum ou, comme je les ai baptisés ""Non""

In principle, this will not happen to you until you have come home, and this is one of the crucial moments that I had not anticipated: your first postpartum poop.

This is.the.Worse.Of.All.

I recently discussed postpartum cacas with friends (re.#10, shame), and we all had the same terrifying experience.In my case, I remembered once, when the children had about a week, and my family visited us.We chatted quietly in the living room, then I apologized because I had to go to the bathroom.

I stayed there for 45 minutes.

À mon retour, une de mes soeurs m'a demandé: ""Est-ce que tout va bien? Que s'est-il passé là-dedans?""

""Oh! rien de spécial, j'étais simplement en train de négocier avec Dieu"", lui ai-je répondu.

Trying to go to the saddle after giving birth is terrifying.I don't care about the quantity of emollient laxatives that we are given, you will still have the impression that an explosion or a major tear will occur which will lead to a certain death, like Elvis. This is à ce moment que je me suis demandé ""Et si je ne faisais plus jamais caca?"".Of course, this would mean countless enemas, but they then seemed a reasonable price to pay to relieve the insurmountable anxiety that I lived.

But, do not fear, you will repeat poop normally...one day.Your life as a person without shame will normally follow his course.After all, you have survived the horror of childbirth.So when you hear other women talk about being laundered the anus before childbirth or they will tell you that they have not forgotten to bring a really cute dressing room to the hospital, youYou will just spin your number to them, because you know they will need a huge hug when they go home.

Meredith Bland

Blogger, pile of babies