Do you have to let your child choose your clothes alone?

"If I let my 4 year old daughter choose her outfit in the morning alone, she would leave every day with heeled shoes and a glitter skirt," laughs Marie, a 34 -year -old mother.Many parents find themselves in critical situations at the time of the clothing of their children, especially when they are small.And that the time turns.It remains to choose whether to carry out a daily arm wrestling or let flow at the risk of seeing your child sacrifice all the rules of elegance."The desire to make the decision yourself must be seen as something positive.This is the order of automation and therefore it is good for the child, ”says Guillemette Faure, journalist and author of the best book for my child.

But if this desire should be encouraged, what about when our reasonable dress suggestions are a systematic "no"?"We must already distinguish between the rejection of a garment for a reason that can be comfort (a swap sweater) or the practice (for example to play with his friends) and the" no "that he will formulateBy simple spirit of contradiction, ”explains child psychiatrist Stéphane Clerget.

The age of reason or the dispute?

According to the specialist, it is often around 2 years, for the earliest, that the debates appear when choosing the clothes of the day."But we are really talking about conflict around 3-4 years old.»»»»We must then try to understand what these disputes translate.Does the child want for example to show a gift that we have just offered him and of which he is very proud?"Around 5 or 6 years old, there is a further reflection and it is then interesting to understand why for example a girl wants to wear such a dress and not another.»»»»

The discussion therefore seems essential, especially if we need to rationalize the children's choices."We must explain to him that there are limits: the outside temperature for example.Because we are responsible for his health, he cannot go out in a t-shirt if he rains or in the middle of winter.»»»»Hygiene rules can also come to our rescue when he wants to sleep with his favorite shoes...and very dirty.To involve the little ones taking into account these parameters, the journalist and columnist advises to leave them "to look at the weather and to define rules with family.For example, below 17 °, we put tights with a skirt.Or we avoid lace -up shoes on sports days to facilitate the change of outfit.»»»»

For the child psychiatrist, it is also necessary to take into account conventions, the compliance with clothing linked to a place like the school.It then becomes easier to say no to a disguise that must remain in the field of the game and therefore of the house or the weekend. «Le rangement peut aussi aider à cadrer : on peut mettre dans une caisse tout ce qui relève du déguisement ou des tenues autorisées pour la maison comme les chaussures à talon plutôt que dans l'armoire où se trouve tous les habits du quotidien»»»», explique Guillemette Faure, elle-même mère d'une petite fille.

Beware, however, to those who would be too strict because, as the child psychiatrist points out: "The main thing is to listen, to advise but you should not be psychorigid either: no need to turn for example on the choice of acolor.»»»»Even if it means giving up fashion conventions which ultimately do not matter so much. «Notre rôle de parents n'est pas forcément d'avoir un enfant bien habillé mais de l'aider à être autonome»»»», estime la journaliste.

License temptation

Many parents also lament in the face of their child's obsession for a license character designed to seduce them.Cars, the snow queen, My Little Pony or Star Wars, the temptations are numerous in stores dedicated to clothing."We can say no in total look but give in on a room like a t-shirt, socks or pajamas.On the other hand, if it becomes obsessive, it becomes important to question the why of this obsession.»»»» Pour Stéphane Clerget, il n'y a pas non plus de conséquence dramatique pour les parents qui souhaitent rester fidèles à leur conviction et ne pas tomber dans le «commercial»»»» s'ils expliquent bien les raisons de leur refus.If Guillemette Faure also agrees with the alternative system, she provides a tip for parents who have been forced to give in to the call of the McQueen Flash T-shirt or the Elsa skirt: "If we have to give in, wecan always hide them under the underwater battery thereafter! ”»»»

The question of shopping

For some parents, the question can be adjusted more easily: you just have to buy clothes with your child so as not to have to deal with unreasonable requests.So should we keep them away from shopping sessions or on the contrary associate them, at our risk?"It all depends on the patience and time that we have. Cela peut être un acte éducatif mais il faut bien cadrer ce moment»»»», explique le médecin."You can tell your child:" Your opinion interests me but you are not a decision -maker.It will be dad or mom who will have the last word."All this, of course, arguing and why not, even, talking to them about money and budget because they can integrate it.»»»» Pour la journaliste, même si on peut faire des exceptions, mieux vaut procéder aux achats sans les principaux intéressés, «principalement parce que les enfants ont souvent très mauvais goût et qu'ils ont aussi un don pour la contradiction»»»», s'amuse-t-elle.

*Guillemette Faure is a journalist and author of works including "The best for my child", at the editions Les Arènes.

** Stéphane Clerget is a child psychiatrist and author of many works, the most recent intended for adolescents: how to make your hypersensitivity a force?At Limonade editions.

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